"I have made so many mistakes / you might think I would sit down."
So today, gentle readers, I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. It must be in the air. Everyone I know is "a little overwhelmed." Not dear-God-help-me! overwhelmed yet, but a little.
For me, it has to do, in part, with the fact that Grey's here. It doesn't take long for me to get completely reattached. We celebrated his 23rd birthday together. We went for a long, quiet walk by the lake. We hang out and laugh and have a wonderful time. Three short, beautiful weeks. And on Thursday, he's leaving. I'm already feeling the pre-quakes of the wrench.
From a Buddhist perspective, it's simple: I'm clinging, and thus suffering. However, that awareness doesn't make it easier. I'm a mother, and I love him, and Portland seems a world away.
My work schedule hasn't slowed for his visit. Actually, it's intensified, what with the copyedited manuscript of HELL OR HIGH WATER arriving in the mail, with a thousand little red marks and a very tight timeline for turning it around, and the manuscript of FAMILY TROUBLE going off to the publisher last Friday. (Hurray! I think that collection is going to be such a useful book for memoirists and teachers of memoir.)
Of course there are always the usual recommendation letters to write, classes to teach, and meetings to attend, and then there are the lovely extras: today I'm on a panel for graduate students about conferences; last week I did the "Power of Latin@ Memoir" talk in Omaha; in two weeks I head to Mississippi for the Welty Symposium, of which I'm very excited to be a part. An embarrassment of riches, really, so it seems churlish to wish for a little more downtime. But I do.
Being torn between work and family has been possibly the defining dilemma of my adult life--for which I'm actually grateful, because it ties me to so many people who are similarly torn. I am so intense about family. And then so driven about work. I'm lucky to have a good, loving family and a challenging, demanding career that always pushes me to grow. But honestly? Sometimes, I just want to rest.
Another intensifying factor has been the sudden appearance in my life of a half-sibling who existed only in rumors before. He's the son of my biological father, who passed away this spring, and he's emphasized that he's very private, so I'll respect that and say no more here on the blog.
But dramatic family revelations have an impact. Last week at this time, I had two brothers. Now I have three. So that's kind of intense.
It's been an intense and emotional time generally for all of us, with the execution of Troy Davis, the death of Wangari Maathai, the assassination of Al-Awlaki, and the occupation of Wall Street, which is spreading now all over the country, from Maine to New Mexico. It's a crazy time, full of pain yet also possibility. Take good care.
P.S. The title's from Naomi Shihab Nye's poem "Password." You can find the whole thing quoted here.
For me, it has to do, in part, with the fact that Grey's here. It doesn't take long for me to get completely reattached. We celebrated his 23rd birthday together. We went for a long, quiet walk by the lake. We hang out and laugh and have a wonderful time. Three short, beautiful weeks. And on Thursday, he's leaving. I'm already feeling the pre-quakes of the wrench.
From a Buddhist perspective, it's simple: I'm clinging, and thus suffering. However, that awareness doesn't make it easier. I'm a mother, and I love him, and Portland seems a world away.
My work schedule hasn't slowed for his visit. Actually, it's intensified, what with the copyedited manuscript of HELL OR HIGH WATER arriving in the mail, with a thousand little red marks and a very tight timeline for turning it around, and the manuscript of FAMILY TROUBLE going off to the publisher last Friday. (Hurray! I think that collection is going to be such a useful book for memoirists and teachers of memoir.)
Of course there are always the usual recommendation letters to write, classes to teach, and meetings to attend, and then there are the lovely extras: today I'm on a panel for graduate students about conferences; last week I did the "Power of Latin@ Memoir" talk in Omaha; in two weeks I head to Mississippi for the Welty Symposium, of which I'm very excited to be a part. An embarrassment of riches, really, so it seems churlish to wish for a little more downtime. But I do.
Being torn between work and family has been possibly the defining dilemma of my adult life--for which I'm actually grateful, because it ties me to so many people who are similarly torn. I am so intense about family. And then so driven about work. I'm lucky to have a good, loving family and a challenging, demanding career that always pushes me to grow. But honestly? Sometimes, I just want to rest.
Another intensifying factor has been the sudden appearance in my life of a half-sibling who existed only in rumors before. He's the son of my biological father, who passed away this spring, and he's emphasized that he's very private, so I'll respect that and say no more here on the blog.
But dramatic family revelations have an impact. Last week at this time, I had two brothers. Now I have three. So that's kind of intense.
It's been an intense and emotional time generally for all of us, with the execution of Troy Davis, the death of Wangari Maathai, the assassination of Al-Awlaki, and the occupation of Wall Street, which is spreading now all over the country, from Maine to New Mexico. It's a crazy time, full of pain yet also possibility. Take good care.
P.S. The title's from Naomi Shihab Nye's poem "Password." You can find the whole thing quoted here.
fayepoet said:
Sounds like a lot to me! Over-whelmed seems to be on the page this month. At my last women's group meeting, 6 of us chose to talk about feeling over-whelmed. The clincher was always the family/work tension, the choices, the letting go of loved ones and the wrench of the aftermath.I can empathize about Gray, having just visited my son who lives afar.
October 4, 2011 3:35 PMAnother brother!That's amazing and I hope it goes well between you.
Good luck on the books... you are a force and soon, I hope you can rest a little.